Wednesday, July 1, 2009

It's Been Forever

This is probably one of the harder things that I have to write...and I have to write it fast because my daughter is currently running around being impossible.

3 week ago, I lost the baby. I needed to be rushed to the emergency room and I had never saw so much blood or experienced a pain more excrutiating than anything I am likely to feel again. I actually needed surgery. I had an incomplete miscarriage. Eric came after the surgery. He had to stay home with my daughter whom I had to leave in the middle of the night. And he was great. Got her dressed, changed her diaper and even combed her hair. By the time my mom came and picked her up...she was ready to go. When I saw him while I was in recovery, he cried and I think that hurt more than anything.

But, eventually life has gotten back to normal and I'm fine. No problems since then and I've dealt with the loss. It still hurts a little to think about. But one of the EMS guys told me that one woman had lost her baby in her eighth month and she had to deliver a stillborn--and while this was devastating, it was better it happened now than later--and I agreed emphatically.

I have been so busy with life and getting things back into order. I'm writing again, which frankly, I was too depressed to even attempt it. But it came back and I feel myself again.

I have been thinking about you all constantly, feeling guilty I couldn't get back to you all sooner. I have so many stories to tell and experiences to share since everything happened.

Seppy, I know..I'm horrible with keeping people updated. Not sure I'll get better at it, but for you I'll try. *grins*

I hope to be back more regularly in the next week or so. So keep a look out for me.

Much love...



Seppy said...

At the risk of sounding completely gay and somewhat of a dork- I wanted to post something that came to my mind when I read your post.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

I love you to bits- in a way that seems to outlive time, or distance, or life.

You are you, and I am me.. and in all the years I have known you- that's always been enough, and I suspect it always will be.

I remain,
Your biggest fan