Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Terrible Two's

...I mean, she's actually been a terror before this...but tomorrow, she's officially two years old. Tomorrow won't be too much fanfare because I have to get the apartment in order for her birthday party on Friday. A house full of toddlers doesn't sound all that appealing, but on the upside, she'll be so tired out by the time that it's over that it'll have all seemed worth it.

I'm going to celebrate with a glass of wine tomorrow night when she's sleep with the knowledge that I kept her alive for a whole two years! Here's to many MANY more.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Be Bold

I had the most amazing conversation with my best friend last night on the phone. We were discussing my recent break-up with Eric. I won't get into all of that right now because it's not important--and I won't give him the satisfaction of having his name fall off my lips.

But I was telling her that for the first time in a long time I felt free and happy. No limitations, no restrictions...I can just be myself. And so she asked me what I was going to do now and I said, 'Be Bold'.

Next summer I'm going to be thirty years old. I've spent too much of my life hiding who I am so it wouldn't offend people. I even stopped writing a few months back because he said fiction was 'stupid amd for people with their heads in the clouds' or some nonsense. And while I never believed that, I did believe that maybe I was too old to be chasing dreams I've had since I was a girl.

It seems silly in retrospect, to let someone have that much control over you, but I did. It was an abusive relationship that I allowed to go on way too long and effect my writing.

Next to my daughter, writing has to be one of the most important things in my life. It's never been a hobby for me. Sometimes I wish it was. Obsessions are tedious, time consuming things.

But I don't know what else to call it and I don't know how to feel any less intensely about it and I don't think I really want to.

I spend more time with my notebook and pen then I do networking. It distracts me. It really does. But I love this place. I love talking to new people and keeping up with what's going on in the writer's market. It keeps me grounded--but it's the sort of thing I have to take in doses. Too much information and I'll forget my purpose.

When I finish this book...I don't want it to be just 'good'. I want to blow people out of the water. I want to inspire and challenge and give hope...and...all of those things. I want to write something that you can't put down, and even when you stays with you. You ever read a book SO good that you dream about the characters?

I want to be unforgettable. And it's a lofty aspiration for someone just starting out--but I hope for no less. And until I get there...I'm not going to stop.

So that's more excuses.

and National Novel Writing Month is upon us...finally. So...I decided to just do the damned thing.