Incentive

I didn't finish the outline last night. Oh, but I had every intention of finishing it! It started with a bad migraine that didn't disappear until the wee hours of the morning. My boyfriend Eric gave me a head rub that worked for a little while and then he made me some valerian root tea--and pardon my frankness, but it smelled like some one's sweaty butt on a humid July afternoon.

But that wasn't the gist of it. I picked my one year old daughter up after work and she fell asleep on the way home and slept for like..an hour and then woke up right after Eric came home. I'm laying on the couch brainstorming, and the next thing I know, Izzy's climbing all over me and Eric is just nonstop with the talking. I had to tell him to be quiet for like...five minutes--not that it helped anything.

I guess I shouldn't complain, I actually got alot done. But I think I would have gotten MORE done if I didn't spend so much time trying to perfect brainstorming ideas. I think I'm beginning to become a bit obsessive compulsive like one of the story's characters. All that being said though, I really loved what I had so far. The ideas weren't hard to come up with, since I'm only re formatting a story that I had already started. There were points in the day where I was wondering if I could really do this--and if I wasn't wasting my time. Apparently self-doubt is a constant companion of mine.

Realistically, the outline probably will take about a week, if not more to do. And as I was reading his guidelines, I realized how the 'snowflake method' comes into play. It's actually really clever--and it WORKS! I'm usually the sort to struggle with it on my own, but I actually like this.

Today, I took the day off of work to write and hopefully network myself a little more. Actually, this blog is one little net in the...uh...work? I was thinking of submitting some short stories for a magazine or something as well.

I was wondering if I could write a few short story publications on the side, and work on this novel...and play mom and girlfriend as well?

And I came up with...yes, I can. (Sorry, the Obama kool-aid kicked in) But seriously though, my apartment is crappy and I swear the new superintendent is on drugs or something.
Not to mention, fairly recently, my neighbor from upstairs stole some money from my neighbor from downstairs (after getting sloshed together) and then the downstairs neighbor's cousin and brother beat the crap out of the upstairs neighbor and he ended up jumping out the second store window to get away from them--meanwhile, my daughter slept through all of it.

I have to tote a stroller, my groceries and a very squirmy baby that likes to kick off her shoes, on a crowded city bus--and then people are rude and give you dirty looks when you accidentally bump into them with a toddler, or milk. So I'd like a car. Maybe a cheap little Pinto or something. I don't even care if it smokes and you have to prop up the front seat against a tire.

Incentive is...being able to take care of my family...moving out of a crappy neighborhood with slightly scary neighbors (not so much the building itself...but the whole city)...and eventually...not needing to get up at 6:30 in the morning, taking a lukewarm shower and trying to get a kid dressed at the same time.

Right now, even after saying all of that--it's not so bad. I mean, you do what you have to do to survive and it's worth it. I look at my daughter and she reminds me of why I want to write. She reminds me that every day is a chance to see something new and experience something new...


I don't know...it's just crazy right now, but I find myself appreciating this chaos even more. Suddenly...it's worth the headaches.