Moments.

This is my little attempt to get this thing started again. I;m not exactly sure why, other than I feel the need to write without worrying about what it is that I want to say. Sometimes what I want to say isn't as important as what I need to say. And sometimes, it's alright not knowing the exact words, only that there is something inside of you that needs to be said. I figure if you don't understand where I am coming from with that, that maybe you aren't meant to. I'm in a strange place in my life right now. I realize that I don't know much of anything and that I've been playing life by ear. There are certain things that I know for certain and I try to build my existance around the things that are certain. Aside from work and school, this is the most 'me' writing that I've done in a little while. I don't know when I'm going to start writing seriously again. When I close my eyes I feel that it'll be soon. I'm not rushing it because--well...let me put it like this: You ever see one of those war movies and you're at the pivotal moment where the good guys are facing the bad guys...guns are out and aimed at the enemy and you're thinking 'SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT!!!" But the guy doesn't. If he moves too soon or too late, it'll cost him everything--even his life. That's the point where I am. I think...I think I've got something brilliant in my hands and yes I am excited to write it--beyond excited. I believe what I have, I'll write from start to finish within a month. The moment hasn't come and I am one of those people that live in life's moments. I think that there are points in my life in which I exist in sole moments and when it's gone, I kill myself trying to get that moment back even if the environment isn't right for it. And the bad moments--well I relive them in my dreams. If I find that one...absolutely perfect moment then it'll cancel all the others out. I'm not afraid to say that sometimes I really fuck things up--that sometimes I've missed my moments. I don't know how many more I get, but I hope that I didn't miss the one that counts. My heart pauses at that thought. I'm writing like no one will read this, and maybe they won't. I just need to have this here so when that moment does come, I can come back here and congratulate myself on being right about something.