Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Dead Frog

A few years ago--five to be exact, I used to work for this company near where my parents live (My mother works there now, but she wasn't there when I was) and it was at least two miles from home. I can't remember why I walked home from work that night, but I did.

I got to this 7-11 on the corner of Ewingville and Pennington road and out of the corner of my eye, I see this frog hopping every few seconds, trying to cross the street. And as I'm watching it I'm thinking 'you're going to get run over you stupid frog, you aren't hopping fast enough!'. Cars are zipping by and I'm standing there because I'm both terrified and fascinated by frogs...and death apparently. The poor, stupid animal gets into the middle of the street and it pauses between hops and I'm trying to flag this car down, but it was late and he didn't see me (besides, what was I going to say? "Kermit here is trying to cross the street. Would you mind holding for about forty-five seconds?" I would have though.) and just when it's about to jump, the car runs over it and you here a faint 'squish'. I was...heartbroken. It was the saddest thing ever--at least I thought so at the time.

Lots of sad things happened before that. My grandmother's death, 9/11...things like that. I wasn't there for those things. I was there for the death of a frog just trying to cross the street.

It makes that game Frogger very morbid to me now. I just wish that stupid frog wasn't so stupid and single mindedly determined to get across the street.

Gosh, I can't even remember how long I stood there staring at that spot. Too long for some 'black' girl to be standing on the side of the road in the suburbs no doubt.

Yeah, I don't even know what this post means. Not much to do with writing. Hell, NOTHING to do with writing. I haven't written anything in regards to the book for six days. I know that's sacrilegious--I'm supposed to be talking about the glory of chapter titles or how swell of a time I'm having of editing things. But really...I haven't done anything. I'm not NOT writing--but I needed to get my head back to the place it needed to be...and it's there mostly. But there are so many other things I wanted to get situated so I can devote my whole mind to what I'm doing. I can't write distracted.

Some people would assume that I'm still not completely in love with Halo the way that I was before. But I am. Absense makes the heart grow fonder as they say, right? I'm in love with it in that way where you know you need to spend some time apart before you get sick of one another and find that there's nothing left to say.

So the time I spent away, I thought of a million new things to say and write. But I admit, in the beginning, I used my daughter as an excuse not to write anything. It was wrong of me, but I wasn't sure I wanted that sort of committment me.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you view things, it had me at "Chapter One".


Johanna said...

Hi! I just stumbled across your blog and am enjoying it immensely...in terms of the frog...maybe it's the hormones! :) I couldn't write a thing while I was pregnant, but now my little one is 13 months and the juices are flowing...don't despair.

Oh and yes: poor little frogger...


Sun Up said...

It's weird..but I have alot of new things to add, but I've been too frusterated lately...I'm getting on the ball this weekend though. My daughter's aunt is taking her to the zoo...and I'm going to finally get that pencil a'scratching away.

Oh..and we should have a frogger memorial day to remember all the poor froggies trying to cross the road. Thanks for reading my blog!